It’s been quite a while since I started writing weekly blogs and there have been numerous subjects that I’ve felt compelled to write about. Most of the time the topics have been inspired somehow, whether through a daily reading, a conversation, a news headline, or a world concern. They always require some research and then I try and put my spin on the issue. This week, as I’ve been thinking back on these blogs, it really made me stop and think about how much of what I’ve written, I myself have taken to heart. Followthrough can be a challenge. We know what is often the right path to take, change to make; we often say we will and then we don’t. Similarly, we can give all the outward impression of being a certain way, claiming to know it all, when in actual fact we do the complete opposite. Integrity. How many of us can really claim to always act with integrity? As much as I’ve loved writing about all the topics over the past few years, I cannot claim to follow through on them all. That was never my aim. The Mind, Body & Soul blog is a tool for people to springboard off of, to be inspired by, to be challenged by in whatever stage of life they may be in. But it still begs the question…do you follow through on what you say, on what you believe? Do you act with integrity all of the time? Quick Slow Slow Today I was inspired by a daily reading and my own thoughts about followthrough. So often we can claim to be one thing and then in the next minute we do the opposite. This is where the quick slow slow approach comes in. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.James 1:19 NIV This verse is specifically referring to behaviour that is in opposition to what we believe to be true. We can read, learn and know how to live, and then in the next moment, we can act like we learned nothing at all. It applies to any aspect of life and living with integrity. Be quick to listen Every day we learn. We are a constantly evolving race, striving for greatness, innovation, and creativity. But we are also a race of people who are aiming for personal growth and self-improvement. This means we must be constantly learning and in order to learn, we must listen. Listen to others through conversation, reading, observing, teaching, and absorbing the lessons and information given. There is so much wisdom available to us but we have to be willing and ready to listen to it if we are to benefit. But be careful! Be careful what you listen to! There is much in this world to lead astray. So be discerning and trust your instincts. Listen to that still, small voice that questions your choice of Podcast, that novel, that film, that piece of advice Not everything will do us good, build us up and encourage us along our chosen path. Once it’s in our heads, we cannot take it out! Slow to speak This is all about thought. When we listen we must then absorb, ruminate, digest, and learn. That means we understand there is an importance to what we have listened to and it is worth taking our time over. We practice, persist, and perfect whatever it is we are aiming to be better in. And we do it in our own time, without audience or applause. We know it is for our own good and we become better by it. So when that time comes when we are put into challenging circumstances, we will have the information ready to hand to help us behave better, make the best choices and show growth in our lives. We will show that we are not hypocrites who know and claim to be one thing but do the opposite. Slow to become angry When we become angry in a situation, often it is because we have fallen short of our own standards. This is especially true where integrity is concerned. Our pride takes a hit, we don’t want to humble ourselves, and we stubbornly put up defenses to disguise our shame. Sound familiar? This is because we haven’t followed through on the first two steps of listening and thinking. When the hypocrite in us rears its ugly head we get angry. And it isn’t pretty. We look foolish, show our weakness, and lay bare our lack of discernment. We know better. And we did listen. But we did not absorb what we learned. We didn’t allow it to soak into our lives and become a part of who we are. We didn’t practice what we learned. Yes, we may otherwise give the outward impression of being a certain way or doing a certain thing, but when push comes to shove… we have no follow-through. So be careful to check yourself and don’t let anger get the better of you. True Integrity True integrity is a lifestyle. It is a conscious decision to listen, think and act based upon that learning. It’s saying one thing and following through on it without the need for acclamation. When we achieve all three of these things, people will know us to be people of integrity. And it’s not an easy path to take. It requires self-denial, constant learning, hard work, humility, and patience. But in the end, wouldn’t we all like to be known and remembered as people of integrity?

It’s on everyone’s lips this week. Did you see what happened at the Oscars? Did you see what Will Smith did to Chris Rock? I myself didn’t watch the Oscars, but I found out afterward about the saga. How insult was rewarded with a verbal and physical rebuttal. Stunned silence…shocked expressions… humour to cover up the tension… It was quite the scene. But it should never have happened. People are insulted all the time for various reasons and in various ways: mimicry, jokes, back-handed compliments, being told you’re wrong, ironic jokes, being ignored. And in some cases, we can be physically insulted by being slapped, spat on, or punched. So how to handle insults in our day-to-day lives is something we should all be prepared for. They come from anyone Insults can come at any time and from anyone. Let’s be honest, we’ve all been insulted by a friend, a loved one, a colleague, a complete stranger. Who it comes from can affect our response to it, for example, we can take it more personally if a good friend insults us because it was unexpected behaviour. Conversely, if we are insulted by a complete stranger, we might find it easier to brush it off because we don’t know them at all. It all depends on you and how you react to the situation. Are you a sensitive person? Do you easily take offense? Do you want everyone to like you all of the time? Unfortunately, that is unlikely to be the case and we mustn’t expect it. It’s not our job to have everyone like us. So we should expect conflict at times as a result. So how should we respond if we are insulted? Here are some strategies: Anger isn’t the answer As we’ve seen already this week, an angry response is not the way. When we respond to an insult with anger we invite a few possibilities to the situation. It can be seen as a sign of weakness whereby we can become overly upset and feel the need to justify ourselves. Anger says that we take the insult seriously and by default the one insulting us. And furthermore, we add fuel to the fire, encouraging further insult. If nothing else, responding in anger makes us far more emotional than the situation might require making us feel silly and vulnerable afterward. Try to remain calm when an insult is flung your way. Your calm response will help you diffuse the situation, keep you in control, and shows that they have no power over you. Hear without insult … hear the truth without insult. Seneca Sometimes we may feel like we’re being insulted, but when we look more closely at the situation we see that they are merely speaking the truth. Parents, teachers, doctors, counselors, friends, and partners all tell us the truth throughout our lives to help guide, mold, advise and shape us. If we took insult at everything we heard just because we didn’t like it, we would not be the best versions of ourselves. It is important to look rationally at the situation and see if there is any truth in what was said. If so, it is our job to go away and work on whatever was raised. Further to this, if you respect the person who has insulted you; if you value their opinion and they are honourable, consider what they have said instead of being insulted. Taking offense easily denigrates your integrity and character. If however, the insulter is not someone you seek guidance from then you have no reason to take offense because their opinion means nothing to you. Giving as good as you get The trouble with returning an insult is that it rarely has the desired effect we’re after. We’d have to be extremely witty or cutting to deliver a response that would have any effect at the desired moment. Often our attempts are limp and ineffective and we look back on them and cringe in horror. The other problem is that we just lower ourselves to the insulter’s level. We give them power by engaging with them, especially if it is hurtful insults, and legitimizes their behaviour. We then treat them how we don’t like being treated and quite possibly hurt them too. Wit and humour have their place as a retort, but only among friends. It is impossible to gauge a situation well enough and a person’s response if you don’t know them. There must be a mutual understanding between you so that in the end, you ‘make up’ and carry on as before. A closer look at humour How we handle insults says a lot about us as individuals. If we can make light of the situation with humour and deflect the intended offense we will move on from it easily. George Bernard Shaw, an Irish playwright, is said to have once invited Winston Churchill to his new play. The invitation read thus: “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend—if you have one.” Winston Churchill replied: “Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second—if there is one.” Clearly, these two men knew each other and exchanged insults with levity and humour. By accepting insults with humour we lighten the situation, we take the sting out and thus they lose power. It’s not worth your notice Sometimes, knowing how to handle insults means ignoring them. It is important to realise that someone else’s opinion, remark, or action is not your concern. By ignoring them we show that we are not concerned about their view and that it has no effect on our life. Choosing to ignore an insult deflates the situation and the insult and insulter lose power. Speak honestly There will come a time when we have to say something to someone who insults us. But how we do so will determine how successfully you and the other party move forward. Knowing how to handle insults through dialogue that is productive, boundary-building, and respectful is paramount. Having a public blow-out is not advisable. You embarrass yourself, the other party, and anyone else surrounding you. It also invites others into your business, which is somewhere they shouldn’t be unless invited. Having a private discussion with the person whereby you set firm boundaries, especially if it is someone you know well or work with regularly, is a good approach. Be consistent thereafter to ensure there are no relapses. How to handle insults Like I said before, insults are to be expected in life. It’s naive to think that we will go through life with everyone agreeing with us and being agreeable all the time. Equally, we will encounter times where we must exercise control and hold our tongue lest we become the injuring party. Insults have no power over us except the power we allow them, so take everything with a pinch of salt and only allow through that which makes us stronger. P.S In this weeks Battles We All Face Podcast

Bullying is one of those issues that we believe as children will go away when we grow up. But as we well know, bullies grow up too and usually stay in the same bad habits. So what does that mean for us who are milder-mannered, who don’t seek to dominate, and often find themselves at the receiving end of a bully’s attack? The question of how to deal with bullies in adulthood will always be relevant, so let’s look at some possibilities to help us take back control. Bullying is any behaviour that causes hurt, harm, or distress to another through verbal, physical, or mental abuse directed towards them. Why do people bully others anyway? The first thing to realise about bullies is that it is never about the victim. Ever! It is always about some underlying insecurity in the bully that is manifesting itself through this unwanted and targeted behaviour. There are a plethora of reasons as to why this should be the case. Here are a few: Poor education opportunities Lack of access to education can make people feel threatened by those who seemingly have had more opportunities to thrive. Or it could be that they have been educated to believe certain things about others. Without access to education, we don’t learn about different people or cultures and how to be respectful of differences. A feeling of powerlessness Often, a bully is someone who lashes out at others because they feel powerless, either in that situation or more generally in their life. In order to feel like they are taking control, they need to belittle others to boost their feelings of superiority. Stress and trauma Sometimes bullying is an indicator of stress or trauma that is presenting itself through this negative behaviour. It is possible that the bully has experienced an event or is going through extreme stress that is not being dealt with correctly. Instead of seeking help, they may be bottling it up and it’s being directed at others instead. Low self-esteem This is a biggy, I feel. It also can be the result of any of these other reasons I’m detailing. Low self-esteem is something that we all deal with at some point or another and it displays itself in a variety of ways. For some, it manifests in unwelcome behaviour towards others. If we don’t feel good about ourselves, bullies don’t want others to either. They’ve been the victim of bullying themselves When we have been the victim of bullying, we have a choice about how we proceed from it. We can choose to treat others as we’d like to be treated, or we can opt for the bitterness pill. Hanging onto negative emotions causes bitterness within us which causes us to feel resentful towards others. This can create a need to bring others down because it’s how you feel and it’s how you were treated. Poor family or friendship relationships If we feel like our relationships are in some way insecure, we can feel pressure to act in certain ways in order to keep the relationships we have. Peer pressure from others can deepen this insecurity causing us to behave in ways we maybe don’t like or a need to create control in others areas of life. Modelling behaviour from home We model what we know. In the family setup, we copy what we see around us. So if as a child you see bullying behaviours in your home, you’re more likely to behave the same way yourself. You probably won’t even realise it’s not good behaviour to model. You are unconsciously conditioned into it. A need to control others Some people just like to be in control of everything. Unfortunately, this can include people too. When they see someone acting independently, not conforming, who’s different, they feel threatened and need to get it under their management. This means that people are victimised by their controlling nature. So what can we do about the bullies? It’s great to know why people behave in certain ways towards us, but we need to know what to do if we find ourselves in that unpleasant situation. No one should be made to feel inferior, to feel threatened, distressed or harmed in any way. But we know it happens. How we deal with bullies, therefore, is of paramount importance. Talk to someone Isolation is your worst enemy in the fight against bullies. Bullies thrive off your silence and believe you are incapable of standing up to them. It gives them the power to sustain their assault. It is also mentally exhausting for you. Strength in numbers is your first weapon then. Tell your superior, a friend, someone you trust, and make sure that you are not fighting alone. Try speaking to your bully If you feel safe to do so, try speaking to the person who is bullying you. Bullying is a learned behaviour and so it may be that this person doesn’t realise they are causing you distress. Or it may be that by confronting them about it, you may be able to help them through something they are struggling with. Should you report it? Some types of bullying go beyond name-calling and petty behaviour. Sometimes we are the victim of domestic abuse, hate crimes, inappropriate texts or emails, violations of privacy, or theft to name a few. These sorts of bullying are signs that you should probably report to the police to investigate. It’s not about you Remember, it isn’t about you. Whatever it is you are being bullied for: sexuality, religion, appearance, personal trait, disability; it’s about that specific thing and their attitude towards it. The person bullying you is the one with the issue, not you. They are the ones who need to change their attitude. Seek inspirational people When you are stuck in the mire and are being bullied, look for people who can uplift and inspire you. You are not alone in your situation. Many people who have become great and kind people have been bullied themselves. Know who you are, who you want to become and move towards it. We are forged in fire and made stronger for it if we can seek the lessons and remain true to ourselves. Maintain eye contact Bullies look for weakness. Don’t give it to them. Remain calm, don’t antagonise, and maintain eye contact. This disarms the situation and reduces their ammunition. If they can look into your eyes and see that you are calm and unaffected by their behaviour they are less likely to feel superior and disarms the situation significantly. Avoid contact If you can avoid contact with a bully then do so. Limiting your interactions with them means you can be more productive and your overall wellbeing is better. Your time is precious so don’t waste it on people who seek to bring you down. If you can’t avoid them, be proactive and keep a detailed record of their behaviour and report it to a superior. Bring in witnesses, and seek to deal with the issue as soon as possible. Sometimes it means you walk away from the situation, whether to a new job, leaving a relationship, or making new friends. No one needs to put up with bullies. How to deal with bullies How we deal with bullies is not an easy task. There are so many details behind the scenes that contribute to it and many ways to deal with it. Everything noted above is to be read and taken with care and understanding and should be used at your own discretion. Use what will benefit you, or maybe it will help someone you know. If you are the bully, I would encourage you to really think about your behaviour and how you can treat others more respectfully. Remember, we are in charge of our choices, our behaviour and how we treat others. How we deal with bullies says everything about ourselves. Don’t diminish who you are at the expense of another. Be kind! If you would like more information on bullying, check out the National Bullying Helpline. P.S In this weeks episode of The Battles We All Face Podcast John and Jo Jo, get to grips with a subject that had plagued man since the dawn of time… BULLYING! In today’s show, we aim to explore: ~ What is bullying? ~Why am I being bullied? ~Bullying in School ~ Bullying in the workplace and so much more on today’s episode of The Battles We All Face.

Getting things done these days can seem almost impossible at times. Never mind our natural tendencies to daydream, but today we are surrounded by distractions that aim to steal our focus. Social media, YouTube, worries, stresses, the pressure to perform…they can all take their toll on our ability to focus and get the job done. How to focus better in a world of distraction becomes an important issue then. We cannot escape our responsibilities, and yet we only have so much time each week to get things done. So what can we do to improve our focus and make the best use of our time? Why is focus so important anyway? Well obviously focus is important or we’d never get anything done, right? If we were allowed to be aimless all the time the world would descend into chaos and nothing would ever be achieved except slovenliness. People need to feel like they are being useful and productive in order to have a sense of purpose and wellbeing. Staying focused keeps us on track before things get out of hand and we feel overwhelmed by the mounting tasks that are yet to be done. So the ability to stay focused on a task is good for our mental health. It keeps some order in our lives and gives us things to aim for which in turn gives a sense of achievement. It’s when things get out of balance that we lose focus and we feel that sense of impending doom start to creep up on us. So what can we do to improve our focus? Here are some simple ideas on how to focus better. Don’t expect to be great at them right away. Learning to focus better is like training a muscle. It takes time and practice, but eventually, you will start to see results in your life. Distractions Distractions are definitely one of the first things we think of when a lack of focus is broached. The most common theory is that distractions are bad and that we should eliminate them entirely in order to maintain focus and get things done. There is an argument, however, that claims the opposite. The key is to give your mind just enough to do, so that your brain doesn’t have the chance to look elsewhere for stimulation. www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20170925-the-surprising-tricks-to-help-you-focus-at-work A psychologist at University College London came up with what they call ‘Load Theory’. They claim that by working in a messy and chaotic environment we eliminate all the brain space for distractions allowing us to focus better on the task at hand. I’m not sure how well I agree with this theory. Especially since it hasn’t been put through proper trials, but there is something to it. What we need to find is a balance. Small distractions are not always a bad thing as they can help our minds work through an issue by taking a moment away before coming back to it. For example, a Rubix cube or other desktop puzzle, a glance out the window to divert your thoughts, some music playing in the background… There are many small distractions that can in fact help keep our focus over a longer period by allowing for small interruptions. It’s really down to preference and what we know we can cope with. Distractions on a bigger scale can be detrimental, however. Constant interruptions from co-workers, family, or friends, for example, can really affect your focus. Try working away from them in a quieter place. Or set aside specific no-interruption times so you can get things done. Distractions can, of course, be internal rather than external. Lack of sleep, stress, worry, pressures, poor health, lack of motivation, can all contribute to a lack of focus. Try to be as well-rested as you can before embarking on a task that requires your focus. Speak kindly to yourself and encourage yourself through motivational music or making a cuppa. Get yourself into the right headspace before you begin and you’ll find you can focus much better. Limit yourself Women are often dubbed as being good multitaskers, whilst men are not. I would say, as a woman, that I am able to deal with a few jobs on the go at one time. But I would admit that they are not necessarily jobs that require a great deal of my focus. If I am required to work to a deadline, or if a task requires much more attention, I will need to limit what I am doing to that one job. Deciding, therefore, what requires our best focus and what doesn’t is important. Spreading ourselves too thinly produces sub-standard results in the end. Improving how we focus better requires us to make the most of what we have available to us. Multitasking spreads our resources too thinly, so focus on one task at a time when the job demands it. Take a break No one ever did anything great by going all out and never stopping. All you end up with is brain-fry and feeling completely exhausted with an end product of sub-par quality. Forcing yourself to keep going when you are mentally fatigued is counter-productive and your focus will definitely wain. This is kind of related to the whole distractions argument. When we allow ourselves a short break we distract our mind from the task we are doing and give it a slight reprieve. We get bored focusing on the same task continuously over long periods and that’s when our minds begin to wander. So by taking scheduled breaks we can alleviate the problem, and keep ourselves focused over a much longer period. Why not make a cuppa, take a short walk, complete a mundane task do some stretches. Stop stressing The more we know about the brain, the clearer it is that stress is the enemy of concentration www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20170925-the-surprising-tricks-to-help-you-focus-at-work When we go all out and apply stress to a situation that requires our focus, we undoubtedly are going to get to a point where we cannot continue. And probably sooner than you’d think. Yes, the job is vitally important. Yes, it needed to be done yesterday. But by heaping stress on the situation, your performance will suffer. You are also guaranteed not to be fully focused because you’re more worried than anything else. Research by Christian Olivers of Vrije University in Amsterdam found that people’s attention resources stretched a little bit further when they were simply told to back off and think about something else instead of concentrating fully. www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20170925-the-surprising-tricks-to-help-you-focus-at-work So cut yourself some slack and allow your brain space to think about more than just this one important thing. Your stress levels will decrease and you’ll find yourself to be more productive in the end. Stay in the here and now It’s one of those new-age things that is often spoken about these days, but which few of us actually practice. Being present in the moment and not allowing intrusive thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow to interrupt us is a skill we could all do with being better at. When you feel those intrusive thoughts creeping in to distract you, try practicing some deep breathing to refocus and keep yourself on track. Remind yourself that yesterday is done and cannot be altered, and tomorrow will take care of itself. You can however control what you are doing right now, so make the most of it.

How confident do you feel right now? Very? A little? Not at all? I think it’s fair to say that through the course of our life we feel confident at different levels and in varying situations. I know that I am more confident in places or with people that are familiar to me. I’m more confident doing things that I enjoy or I am naturally good at. Conversely, I am not confident with particular people or with subjects I am not adept at. I am sure that most people would relate to this. The question then of how to become more confident every day, regardless of who or what we face, is a pertinent one. Taking on life with zeal, confidence and passion can sometimes just feel like a distant dream. But why should it be? It’s our life. We only have one… Confidence…what is it really? In essence, confidence is all about trust; trust in your abilities, your judgement, and your qualities. It’s about self-belief, knowing who you are, and pursuing life backed up by it. Imagine feeling like that every day?! Ready to take on the world, come rain or shine, and feel empowered and driven because you trust yourself. Not possible, I hear you say! Well, let’s just see, shall we? Accomplishments When we set out to achieve something, and do it, we feel great! Big or small, that feeling of accomplishment gives us a boost in confidence and sets us on a great track. The act of goal-setting itself is one that requires practice and a baby-step approach, especially if you’re not accustomed to doing so. The phrase biting off more than you can chew is one to pay heed to here as goals should be small and achievable to help you reach a bigger one. No one climbs Everest in one go; it is by short treks, up and down the mountain, to allow for acclimatisation. If you were to attempt to climb Everest in one go you would surely die. I am not saying, of course, that our goals are this extreme, or fatal, but the analogy stands firm. Take on too much at once and we will more than likely fail. Confidence is built on accomplishments that slowly build over time. So set yourself daily, weekly, or monthly goals that you feel are achievable and go and do it. Be proactive So you’ve set your goal. Now what? You must be proactive in achieving it. Keep an eye on your behaviours and go about ensuring you are on the right track to success. If you’re trying to lose some weight, eating those choccies isn’t going to help you out! If you’re trying to get more sleep, staying up watching your favourite TV show till past midnight is counter-productive. Make sure that you are setting things in place to aid you in your goals and then keep track of them. Remember that the sacrifices you make now will help you on your way to achieving your end goal. You’ll feel better about yourself for being disciplined and for the progress you will undoubtedly make. Being accountable to yourself builds character, and when you are pleased with your character, you become more confident. Stand firm Confident people know what they believe in and stand firm in it, even if the world tells them otherwise. Being resolute and following through based upon your values is not always easy, in fact, most of the time it probably won’t be. But you will feel better and more at peace with yourself than if you’d sacrificed your character and values to be a sheep and follow the crowd. We would never have won WWII and been victorious against such blind hate if people had not followed through on their convictions, even in the face of such terrible hardship and sacrifice. What we do and the choices we make define who we are. Everyday. We need to decide who we want to be and stand firm in it. Even if it means making sacrifices now to enable our goals to materialise further down the road. You’ll thank yourself for it in the end. Get moving It seems that most good things that we want to see happen in our lives require us to move. Exercise is just one of those fundamentals that has a synergic link to most other things: mental health, physical health, emotional wellbeing, confidence. Time and again it crops up and reminds us that it is so important to get moving in some way to better look after our whole being. Besides the benefits aforementioned, our focus, memory, and stress levels are all improved by exercise and therefore we are less likely to feel depressed because our brains are functioning better. So take time to look after your physical being and just see how your confidence grows when all those other things are benefitted too. Facing fears Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear; The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. Meg cabot This quote first met my ears in the lovely film The Princess Diaries starring Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews. Anne’s character faced a terrifying decision that she didn’t feel equal to, but her late father wrote her a letter with these words, inspiring her to face her fears. She realised that life is about embracing what feels scary, impossible, too big, and facing it with courage. When we do this, our confidence grows and we find we are able to take on bigger things than that first mountain. Fear of failure illuminates to us what is important in our lives. We are scared of not achieving something, of shame, failure, ridicule, disappointment. But not facing our fears means we feel these things anyway, and without even trying. So what have we got to lose? Self-belief You will always be faced with nay-sayers in life. It’s unavoidable. But we can control how we respond to them. We can give in, let their negativity infect our goals, or we can fire up our defences and keep their unwelcome opinions out. You will always have people who think they know better and feel it is their right to impose upon you, but you don’t have to listen. If you believe in your goal enough and are willing to put in the hard graft, then go for it. You must also believe in yourself. Negative self-talk is the slayer of dreams and ambition. Keep a check on it and always be ready to encourage yourself along your chosen path. Confidence is something you create when you believe in yourself. annonymous Mean what you say In order to become more confident, you must first respect yourself. One of the ways to do this is to mean what you say and then follow it with action. How often have you said you’ll do something and then a few months down the line you’re feeling rubbish because you’re no further forward due to inaction. Our confidence will never grow if we are ashamed of what we have not done. Furthermore, the people around you will respect you more if they see you are a person of integrity who does what they say they will. When you receive that respect from others your confidence cannot help but grow as a result. Make time for you Pursuing your goals and seeking to become more confident is admirable and to be encouraged. But it is also important to take time out to recharge, to rest, and to re-focus. Spending time with family or friends, enjoying the outdoors, taking a bath, doing some gardening…whatever it is that relaxes you and recharges your batteries, make time for it. You will never become more confident if you are frazzled and overworked. Downtime is vital if we are to feel good about ourselves and enable us to take on the world each day with confidence.

It’s one of those things that we get bombarded with information on from a very young age: health. It will primarily have been condensed into two categories: how to eat well, and how to exercise enough to maintain a healthy body. Both of these aspects of health are important, but we know that our health encompasses more than our physical wellbeing. We must also focus on our emotional health because our mental health is just as important as our physical health. So how does prioritising health fit in our daily lives and what benefits can we expect when we do focus on it? Eating well I love to eat, cook, and learn about food. It’s one of my passions in life. But I know that if I am not careful, food can become the enemy and my weight will start to spiral. I’m not able to eat what I want and not suffer the consequences. Often my skin is affected, my weight, of course, my digestion, and as a consequence, my mental and physical health can suffer. So how we eat is of paramount importance to our overall health and wellbeing. Keeping it in balance can be a challenge, but making the decision to prioritise it is a decision, a start, and one that we all must make. Eating absolutes Eating well is about more than choosing good food options like fruits and vegetables, lean meats, and high fiber grains. We know these are what is good for us and we should be trying to incorporate them into our diets more often. Eating well is about setting our own standards, our eating absolutes, that we know we can maintain on a daily basis. Try picking 1-3 things that you know you want to incorporate daily into your eating well routine. It might be drinking more water and fewer high sugar or carbonated drinks. It could be establishing a meal plan for the week so you know you will eat better through planning. Or it could be cooking a meal from scratch each day so you know you’re getting better nutrients. Think about your current eating habits and decide how you can realistically improve upon them so they can be maintained long term. Anything above the ones you choose is a bonus and you’ll find over time that you can add to your absolutes as you get into the habit. Get organised Once you’ve decided on your eating absolutes, you’ll need to organise them into your routine. Take a good look at what your days currently look like and then decide how you can incorporate these new choices into them. It could be as simple as booking half an hour on a Sunday to make a meal plan, writing out a shopping list so you stay on track, getting ahead with food prep to make your meals easier through the week, or watching a little less TV in the evenings to prioritise a good homecooked meal. Decide what you can wiggle about to make these new absolutes work for you. Start where you are Don’t try to become an expert overnight. You must start where you are. That’s why you need to look at your current schedule and make small changes to it that are not going to overwhelm you. Life is busy enough without us making it more difficult, but being deliberate with our eating habits is important. So don’t try to complete complicated recipes that take two hours on a weeknight when all you want is a simple 15-minute supper. You’re tired! So get meal prepping when you have more time, or do some light research on quick and healthy meals in under 20-minutes. It doesn’t have to be hard! Be efficient It’s all about being efficient with your time in the end. Knowing when your busiest times are through the week and compensating for them at other times will save you a lot of pain and heartache. I know for example that my current schedule throughout the week doesn’t allow for a homecooked meal in the evenings as I work late. However, I know that I am home at lunchtime with enough time to cook a meal then, so we have dinner at lunchtime and something light and easy in the evenings. We eat healthily and in a way that suits our lifestyle and schedule. It doesn’t have to be the norm, it just has to work for you. Seek support Sometimes we need a little support in life to get us going in the right direction. Maybe you’re not the best or most confident cook and could do with some advice or practical help with basic skills and knowledge. Ask a friend who you know is, or look online for advice. There’s plenty out there if we have the drive to find it! Or maybe you feel overwhelmed by a particularly busy day and would benefit from lightening the load a little. Seek ways to do so which will allow for better eating choices and help set you on the right track. Having support around us can be the very thing that keeps you accountable and keep the determination alight as you are prioritising health in your life. Exercise right Exercise. The word that many of us dread! And yet, we know that it is vital to maintain our overall health and wellbeing. Prioritising health means prioritising exercise too. Often at the beginning of a new year, we get the inspiration to kick-start a new exercise regime, but how many of us actually stick with it? Not many I’d guess. We aim too high too quickly, don’t see the results we’d like fast enough, make excuses, get distracted…you get the idea. We’ve all been there! One of the worst things we often do is compare ourselves to other people which destroys our confidence and motivation and we give up because we don’t believe we’re good enough or capable. But it’s all a lie. We can generate a manageable and sustainable exercise routine that means prioritising health through exercise is not only possible but maybe even enjoyable. Start slow If it’s to be sustainable, you need to think tortoise, not hare! Flinging yourself at fads, exercise regimes designed for the seasoned gym junkie, or doing too much too fast will burn you out quicker than a catherine wheel on bonfire night! You must start slow. Choose something you already like, maybe walking for example, and look for ways to incorporate it daily into your routine. A simple 20-minute walk at whichever time of day suits you best is a good way to get your heart pumping without making you want to keel over. Read my blog on walking for pleasure for more advice on this subject. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you start slow, gentle, and that it’s something you enjoy. Reasonable goals Setting reasonable goals sets you up for success, not disaster. This is something I had to really work at as I wanted too much too fast. But by working in two-week blocks you can gradually increase your capability without burning yourself out. It takes about two weeks for your body to get used to an exercise so be consistent over that time then increase by a small amount that doesn’t hurt or put you off. Repeat. You’ll find you are better able to cope and find that your goals will increase with your stamina. Set times That routine I mentioned above is so important. Prioritising health means making a conscious choice to do something for your own benefit. And that means setting out times that you know you can exercise on a regular basis. If you’re not a morning bird, don’t try and punish yourself with a vigorous workout that you know you’ll give up on after a few days. Choose a time that you will feel motivated to keep and able to sustain. It may be different on certain days as no one day is exactly the same as another, but by setting aside time for exercise, you know you’ll succeed! Change it up Once you find your confidence in something, you’ll probably find that you might like to try other things. Or maybe you are getting a little bored with your chosen exercises. This is completely natural. So change it up. Try something else. Join a different class. Walk a different route. Try out yoga, Zumba, weights, swimming, running, tennis…there are endless options that you could try out to keep your interest and you prioritising health. Reward yourself Recognise all the hard work you’ve been putting in! Giving yourself a well-deserved treat keeps you motivated and allows you to see just how far you’ve come. Maybe buy yourself a gift, take a trip to the cinema, go out with friends for drinks. Whatever it is, enjoy your treat! You’ve earned it! Keep at it Persistence is key to success. Even when we feel less than motivated, when we’d rather curl up on the sofa and eat pizza than go out for that run, we must do our best to keep at it. Prioritising health is for life, not just for new year. Yes, allow yourself a day off, we all need that, but seek success by sticking to your goals and pushing through the difficult days. Physical well-being is possible. We just have to want it badly enough! Mental health Good mental health is about knowing yourself, being able to read your signs, and seeking a remedy. It can feel a little selfish, to begin with, if you are not accustomed to prioritising yourself, but in order to prioritise health, specifically mental health, we must learn to do so. No one enjoys stress, anxiety, burn-out, or depression, so we must seek a way to look after our mental health daily. Be kind to yourself We must begin with ourselves. How often do you look in the mirror and pick on something you don’t like? How often do you talk yourself down, dismiss or diminish yourself or something you have done? Probably more than you realise. And the sad thing is we are taught to do this. Our world programs us to think we should be a certain way or should want certain things when all we really need is to be and love ourselves. So let’s notice when we’re being hard on ourselves and say no to the negative self-talk. Replace it with kind words that are affirming, and gradually over time, you’ll notice the bad talk disappear. Interrupt repetitive thought cycles Living in the past or dreaming hopelessly over the future can lead us into repetitive thought cycles that lead us down the rabbit hole. If only I’d, or I wish I could…the what-ifs and only-ifs are a disaster waiting to happen on your mental health. Try being more present, seeing what is rather than what is not. You will find serenity, acceptance, and then maybe allow those dreams of yours room to breathe. Meditation or mindfulness helps many people find that inner calm and keep themselves firmly rooted in the now. Know when to say no You cannot please everyone. So don’t try to! It’s not your job to make other people’s lives perfect. Prioritise what is important for the people who are important to you, that includes yourself, and anything else can be delegated or can wait for another time. Your time is precious, so don’t be flippant with it. You’ll only burn yourself out and become resentful. Observe your needs Recognise your own needs, be they simple or more complex. We live in a world of distractions, most of them on a screen, and we can forget to look after ourselves properly. Remember to eat well, exercise well, sleep well, wash, drink plenty of water, and get fresh air. Life is busy, and we often make it busier but don’t forget to observe what your body and mind need. Your mental health will thank you for it!…

So last week I blogged about going on holiday for the first time in over two years and how it had brought up some unexpected anxieties. Well, we had a wonderful time and in the end, I actually overpacked. The weather, however, did not live up to expectations and it poured the whole weekend nearly. Now for some, this may have been the ultimate disappointment. You want one thing and end up with the opposite. But it really comes down to your state of mind. Are you a glass half empty or half full kind of person? Do you let your dashed hopes spoil your time or do you look for the silver lining? Making the best of it in any situation allows you to find the joy in life, to find the beauty, and realise that just because it’s not what you expected, doesn’t mean it’s not just as great. Beauty in the rain Holidaying in the Lake District in Cumbria is one of the places that I know. As a child, we went every October in our caravan and had the best time together. Everything about the place just rings with memory, nostalgia, beauty, and fun. Coffee shops, gift shops, walking trails, lakes, mountains, wildlife, cozy nights, and great food. What more could you possibly want from a holiday? The weather, however, can be temperamental at times. But in my opinion, you have to go prepared for anything. Our climate is becoming more changeable and can change on a dime. And that is what happened to us. One minute it was forecast sunny and cold, the next torrential rain. So what are you going to do? Well, find beauty in the rain of course. The hilltops got a sprinkling of snow while we just got rain in the valley, but it made for some stunning views in the low cloud. Everywhere I turned there were beautiful views of the hills and mountains in the snow and mist. And we would never have had that view if it were not for the unexpected rain. Just because it wasn’t what we would have liked, doesn’t mean it couldn’t be enjoyed just as much. Being able to adapt and making the best of it in most situations in life allows us the freedom to enjoy what is, not what we wish it would be. Of course, there are times in life when making the best of it seems impossible, and can take some time to see the new opportunities, but for those other times, we need to start! Life is too short to be constantly bowled over by disappointment. We need to open our eyes and see the wonder, the beauty, the joy, the possibilities, even when it’s not what we planned. Making the best of it My example above about making the best of the bad weather is a very small and unimportant example of making the best of it in a bad situation. We all know that life is much harder than dealing with rain when we want sunshine. But the basic principle stands. We need to learn to see the silver linings in life when things don’t go our way and that all comes down to choice. We choose how we react to any given situation, no matter how bad, and this affects the next steps in our lives. I’ve experienced the worst of life in the death of a parent at a young age, and the best of life in the joys of love and family. It’s not easy when you’re deep in the valley. Making the best of it seems unimportant, stupid, and impossible. But eventually, we can begin to see daylight and things gradually get better when we choose joy over pain, company over isolation, effort over listlessness. It’s all about choice. Here are some thoughts on how we can choose better: Acceptance – the good and the bad Acceptance of our situation is critical. We cannot hope to do anything to benefit ourselves if we cannot accept what is. Whether good or bad, life throws many situations our way, sometimes they’re our fault and others are not. Regardless, we must accept them as they are and not how we want them to be. The past cannot be changed, but the future can, so we accept it and then seek a way forward. Make lemonade The wonderful phrase if life gives you lemons make lemonade is exactly true. Life will always be a combination of the good and the bad. How we choose to deal with the bad is up to us. Throw a hissy fit if you want, but the most successful people around us have learned to use the bad situation and make lemonade. This means learning to turn those bad times into beneficial ones, and into learning experiences where you grow mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. And it’s not just once, but repeatedly. Each time you get knocked down you get squeezing and make the best darn lemonade ever. Rather than wallowing in despair over your failings, get up and look for a way clear. Everyone fails, but not everyone learns from it. Be the person who pushes forward. Perspective is key Keeping things in perspective is so important. How much time do you spend worrying about things that haven’t even happened? Or overthinking trivial matters that are of little consequence in the bigger picture? We’re all guilty of it at some point in life, but we mustn’t let it become a habit. Losing perspective leads us down a dangerous rabbit hole of depression, anxiety, and worry that drags us deeper and deeper if we let it. We must learn to let go of what we cannot control and realise that living in the now is what is important. When things come along that rock us or are not what we planned, we must take a step away and put it into a wider perspective. Evaluate your response; is it really as big as I’m making it? shifting our perspective can be very revealing. Flexibility is everything Unfortunately in life, some people are dealt harder or more frequent blows than others. This can make us hard and inflexible. And it’s totally understandable. Sometimes life just sucks and it can be difficult to keep taking those heavy blows. This, however, can make us inflexible and cut us off from the world whereby we miss out on so much of the best of life. Learning how to adopt a flexible attitude when things go differently than we planned is key to transforming any situations. When you’ve discovered how to treat the bad times like learning experiences, and developed a method of examining your situations against a bigger perspective, you can develop a flexibility that will allow you to thrive in any circumstance you find yourself in. medium.com Being flexible to the changes in life is like a superpower. We see so much more beauty, are afforded many more opportunities, and can take delight in the things that don’t go as planned. Embrace life Life isn’t straightforward. It’s a multifaceted, ever-changing rollercoaster of experiences that will either derail us or thrill us. Making the best of it allows us the chance to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be. It doesn’t mean that we don’t feel pain, loss, disappointment, or discouragement. But it does mean we don’t allow ourselves to stay there. We look for the learning, we seek growth, a way forward, and the hope of a new tomorrow.

This week, all the changes of the past two years have presented a challenge to me that I hadn’t been expecting. Usually, when we think of big changes, we automatically think of the really big things that we will have to adjust to. Coping without someone, a new job, moving house, an illness, having a baby. All these things are major shifts in our lives that require big adjustments. Recently we have gone through a shift globally with the Covid 19 Pandemic. Everyone has been affected by it in some way and had to undertake change to accommodate it. But now that we are beginning to come out the other side, finding normality again can seem a little daunting. So what made me think about this you ask? Packing a suitcase. Of all the things that could have prompted the idea of change and finding normality, it was packing a suitcase. I’ve actually found it quite difficult. It’s something that I haven’t had to do in a long time (two and a half years I think) because we’ve been grounded by the pandemic. How many times I’ve caught myself saying oh I forgot about that or I can’t think what to take. I’m only going away for a few days, but the idea of packing to go somewhere has caught me out. I’ve forgotten how to pack a suitcase! The very fact that I’m able to go somewhere is wonderful, but it has brought out feelings of uncertainty, doubt, and dare I say, mild anxiety. Why is it such a big deal? I have found it quite a strange feeling actually, packing to go away for a few days. It’s not something that would ordinarily give me any negative feelings. But we’ve never gone through the circumstances that we have before and it’s obviously affected me more than I maybe realised. I’m having to recall where things are, hoping I don’t forget anything, ensuring I leave my husband prepared for my absence. We’ve never spent any extended length of time apart in seven years! Just another change to add to the mix. And it all just feels different. But going away is normal, right? This is just me finding normality again. So why does it feel weird? Getting back to normal can feel difficult Change does strange things to us. We are not only affected emotionally, but physically also, and if we have gone through an extended period of change, it can take a little longer to find our normal again. Our brains release chemicals into our system that can induce fight, flight, or freeze reactions within us. If this is allowed to happen over an extended period, we can actually alter the way our brains function. Staying in a heightened state of worry will become our new normal and we will find it increasingly difficult to cope with basic life decisions. So it is extremely important to recognise when we feel overwhelmed and help ourselves out. Isolating ourselves from others, not asking for support, not practicing self-love, and not switching off from the noise around us will all aid in keeping us in a stressed state. We do not want to be the ostrich with its head in the sand either! Recognising change and how we feel about it is vitally important. But it can be difficult. Often it is the little things that throw us off balance. Stuff we coped with before feels challenging and we don’t like that feeling. Change within change. That’s where I’ve found myself this week. How to cope with the difficult moments John and I both felt a shift with me going away for a few days. The fact I am going without him brought forward emotions that we had to recognise, talk about and reconcile. The fact that it has happened after such global upheaval just added to the change we had to deal with. But talking about it helped us work through the change. It will feel weird being apart, but we will manage and it will make our reunion all the sweeter. The feelings that emerged with my packing by suitcase, however, have caused me both amusement and perplexion. That something so innocuous as packing a bag could induce these feelings. Something so normal. But the circumstances are different. So much has changed. And so my emotions have also changed as a result. And that’s ok. I’m not the same person I was two and a half years ago. Some tips when you face difficulty through change Breathe. Take a deep cleansing breath and bring yourself back into the present. So often we are carried away by the what if’s that we fail to see the what is. Catch yourself before you spiral and calm your response. Acknowledge how you feel. Whatever it is that you are feeling in that moment, accept it. It’s ok to feel what you do. You are feeling it for a reason. Decide how you want to respond. Are you going to ignore the feeling or are you going to be proactive and seek a solution? Don’t ignore it. It will only get worse! Seek a solution to how you feel. Speak to someone, remove yourself from the situation, break it down into manageable chunks, practice some self-love. There is always a way to cope with difficulties in change. Finding ‘normal’ takes action if we are to find a solution. Don’t worry if it takes some time to get past it. Change can take time to adjust to and we must allow ourselves the time we need to grow, learn and adjust. Finding normality after great change is not easy and we must afford ourselves grace as we find it. Finding normality It’s been a strange time this week as I’ve come to recognise how I’ve actually felt. Acknowledging the fact that I’m doing something quite normal but that I feel quite differently about it has been odd. But life is full of little and big adjustments that we all must make. It’s up to us how we choose to deal with them. Finding normality after big changes can seem daunting, and it is. But it is also possible. Change brings about new opportunities, personal growth, challenges, joy, compassion, and awareness that we would be without if we didn’t experience it. Even after great sorrow, we can be reborn and live life to its fullest. Finding normality is possible and wonderful, even if it looks a little different on the other side.